Must-haves for your new life in Israel.

I had an idea for a blog post while running, realized I hadn't yet started my moving-to-Israel blog, and so here we are. I hope to have many stories and perspectives to share, but to start things off: what every newcomer needs to adjust to life in Israel. We're not talking a good English map and sunscreen here, folks (which, I would suggest buying in the States before you come because the former is impossible to find and the latter will involve taking out a second mortgage and breaking the news to your kids that instead of college, they will be forced to take jobs as security guards at the Cotel - where they're not worried about guns, but about pigs' feet). These are the intangibles - the things that keep you from going completely crazy.

1. A phenomenal Ulpan teacher and a great Kitah Aleph. This will probably be your first "social" encounter in the country. If you have time to do the intensive all-morning-4-days-a-week, great, do it! I sometimes wish I would have delayed working to do this. I took Kitah Aleph twice per week - I had a great teacher and a great class, but this apparently is the schedule most desired by retired couples. I have a lot of surrogate American, Canadian, and Russian grandparents now, but it wasn't exactly a good place to make friends.

2. Learn the days of the week in Hebrew, first thing. This makes adjusting to the Friday/Saturday weekend much easier. It's much better to have the first day of the week be called Yom Rishon (which, coincidentally, translates to "first day") than Sunday. Unfortunately, Manic Monday loses all meaning here, but so be it.

3. Good brakes and a good horn. People here do. not. know. how. to. drive. And yet, they do.

The "ל" roughly translates as "look the f*ck out, another Israeli is learning how to be a bad driver. If you're stuck behind me, you'll be going approximately half the posted speed limit, until you try to pass me, in which case I'll cut you off while my blinker is signaling to turn the other way."
At least they warn you...?

4. A convenient Russian grocery store. Even though everything is in Russian, you can usually find what you won't be able to find in other stores: namely, pork products.

5. The ability to be O.K. with feeling like a complete moron at least once per day. Usually this has something to do with a language barrier.

6. A sense of humor. If you can't laugh at yourself in this place, you'll be lost.

To be continued...