Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Another milestone passed:
I passed through airport security, the Delta ticket counter, the next round of airport security, and Duty Free - all in Hebrew :)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Headlines to die for.
The driving habits of Israelis could fill up an entire blog by itself. I would have enough material for a daily blog if I just recounted the traffic-law violations I saw on a daily basis. Scratch that, forget traffic-law violations, just common-sense violations would suffice. Turn signals? Turning left from the left-hand turn lane and not three lanes over? Driving right, passing left? Driving at a constant speed without randomly throwing on the emergency brake and coming to a complete stop in the middle of the road? Forget it, such things do not exist here.
Apparently, the powers that be have apparently caught on to the erratic driving tendencies of Israeli drivers. Right now there is an advertising campaign urging people not to do anything but drive while they're behind the wheel. On the radio, you'll hear a "common" situation, and until a couple of weeks ago, this would be followed by the sound of a crash, followed by a very solemn voice urging the driver not to do such things. The worst one was a father calling home to say goodnight to his young daughter before she went to bed, only to have her hear an accident and cry futilely "Abba... Abba?!" into the phone. The crash sound has recently disappeared, probably because of the cringe-factor.
I'll admit, some of these situations aren't specific to Israel. Especially the whole texting/talking on the cell phone bit. And I'm sure elsewhere, people fiddle with their GPS systems, their kids' movies, the radio, turn around to calm a screaming child, look at a map, or read the newspaper.
Wait... rewind... what?!
Yes, one "common" situation here in Israel is for people to catch up on their daily news whilst driving. I have seen it, from bus drivers of PUBLIC buses (Egged, are you listening? I don't see "certain death or bodily harm" listed under that "services" menu). I mean, are red lights seriously that boring? This in a country where the news comes on every radio station every hour - and some every half-hour. NOTHING has happened that will change your life since you last hear the news. Shocking, I know, but it's true.
Now, we have to work on a campaign to explain the difference between the gas pedal and the brake pedal.
Apparently, the powers that be have apparently caught on to the erratic driving tendencies of Israeli drivers. Right now there is an advertising campaign urging people not to do anything but drive while they're behind the wheel. On the radio, you'll hear a "common" situation, and until a couple of weeks ago, this would be followed by the sound of a crash, followed by a very solemn voice urging the driver not to do such things. The worst one was a father calling home to say goodnight to his young daughter before she went to bed, only to have her hear an accident and cry futilely "Abba... Abba?!" into the phone. The crash sound has recently disappeared, probably because of the cringe-factor.
I'll admit, some of these situations aren't specific to Israel. Especially the whole texting/talking on the cell phone bit. And I'm sure elsewhere, people fiddle with their GPS systems, their kids' movies, the radio, turn around to calm a screaming child, look at a map, or read the newspaper.
Wait... rewind... what?!
Yes, one "common" situation here in Israel is for people to catch up on their daily news whilst driving. I have seen it, from bus drivers of PUBLIC buses (Egged, are you listening? I don't see "certain death or bodily harm" listed under that "services" menu). I mean, are red lights seriously that boring? This in a country where the news comes on every radio station every hour - and some every half-hour. NOTHING has happened that will change your life since you last hear the news. Shocking, I know, but it's true.
Now, we have to work on a campaign to explain the difference between the gas pedal and the brake pedal.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
If it's not water, it's not worth saving.
Daylight saving whaaaa?
In the States, for about three weeks before the clocks get sprung forward or felled back, every media source feels it's their sole duty to warn the public about the catastrophe that will occur if they fail to change their clocks before they go to bed. It's printed in calendars, like a major holiday.
Here, I was told exactly once, yesterday, by my BF's mother, that clocks get changed tonight. I have listened intently to the news, confident that I can understand enough Hebrew to discern whether or not someone is talking about a clock, time, losing an hour of sleep (yes, that phrase is important enough to me to understand), etc. Zip, zero, zip, efes. And yet, there's this really annoying ad for saving water that comes on about every ten seconds. Save the Kineret, people, we don't care what time it is!
Maybe the problem is that they don't schedule the clock-changing for Friday night - that is, the night before Shabbat. I remember, growing up, that the reminders for daylight saving time were printed in huge bold letters on the church bulletins the week before, so that come Sunday, no one would be an hour early and stand lonesome in the sanctuary with their own thoughts and tired kids, or even worse, be an hour late and completely miss what God had to say that week. If the synagogues had a stake in this whole time-saving business, perhaps we'd hear more about it so as to avoid any ill-timed prayers.
In the States, for about three weeks before the clocks get sprung forward or felled back, every media source feels it's their sole duty to warn the public about the catastrophe that will occur if they fail to change their clocks before they go to bed. It's printed in calendars, like a major holiday.
Here, I was told exactly once, yesterday, by my BF's mother, that clocks get changed tonight. I have listened intently to the news, confident that I can understand enough Hebrew to discern whether or not someone is talking about a clock, time, losing an hour of sleep (yes, that phrase is important enough to me to understand), etc. Zip, zero, zip, efes. And yet, there's this really annoying ad for saving water that comes on about every ten seconds. Save the Kineret, people, we don't care what time it is!
Maybe the problem is that they don't schedule the clock-changing for Friday night - that is, the night before Shabbat. I remember, growing up, that the reminders for daylight saving time were printed in huge bold letters on the church bulletins the week before, so that come Sunday, no one would be an hour early and stand lonesome in the sanctuary with their own thoughts and tired kids, or even worse, be an hour late and completely miss what God had to say that week. If the synagogues had a stake in this whole time-saving business, perhaps we'd hear more about it so as to avoid any ill-timed prayers.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
A sampling.
Some photos from my recent past.
Floods in the mountains outside J'lem. This is normally bone-dry, and I run here a lot.
Carmel mountains.
Orchids
Unknown flower
View from the Carmel
Judean hills
Oasis
Kennedy Memorial
Who's who?
(Ok, not taken in Israel, but in NYC's Chinatown. Never mind :)
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| From Life in Israel |
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| From Life in Israe |
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| From Life in Israel |
Orchids
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| From Life in Israel |
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| From Life in Israel |
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| From Life in Israel |
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| From Life in Israel |
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| From Life in Israel |
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| From Life in Israel |
(Ok, not taken in Israel, but in NYC's Chinatown. Never mind :)
Yeah? Well your mother doesn't make coffee like I do.
It's been a while. I stayed at home from work for the second day in a row today, and I'm to the point where I'm not feeling 100% healtyh but I'm bored outta my mind and restless. So, to the blog!
I'm not feeling particularly insightful today, so I'll just share a funny story that happened not long after I moved here. This incident pretty much explains the Israeli personality and the apparent contradiction between their aggressiveness and their consideration.
There is a monstrous new house going up next door to us. We spend a lot of time staring at this thing, making comments as to what we'd do better, and trying to understand why it's taking so damn long. This last mystery wasn't hard to solve, as there is evidence of workman presence approximately once a week, if that.
Well, about 7 months ago they were working more than today (yes, a year later, the thing still isn't finished). In fact, they would work until the sun would go down, and being as it was summer after the clocks changed, this meant about 8pm. You can imagine how thrilled we were to try to enjoy an al fresco dinner with the sounds of welding and crazy Israeli workman screaming at each other in the background. This wouldn't happen every day, but just often enough to drive us nuts. After a few times of this routine, DBF got fed up and started screaming at them over the fence. Now, this was before I could understand much Hebrew, so to my virgin ears the resulting exchange sounded like they were whipping out the "your mother" insults and threatening a Mossad-type assassination on one another. After a few minutes' screaming, DBF came storming into the house, and started making coffee.
Wait, what? You were just screaming at them, now you're having coffee with them?
Yeah, I told them I'd make them coffee if they'd stop now rather than later.
That's what you were screaming about?
Screaming? Who was screaming?
They spent the next 10 minutes chatting like they'd all known each other for years.
I'm not feeling particularly insightful today, so I'll just share a funny story that happened not long after I moved here. This incident pretty much explains the Israeli personality and the apparent contradiction between their aggressiveness and their consideration.
There is a monstrous new house going up next door to us. We spend a lot of time staring at this thing, making comments as to what we'd do better, and trying to understand why it's taking so damn long. This last mystery wasn't hard to solve, as there is evidence of workman presence approximately once a week, if that.
Well, about 7 months ago they were working more than today (yes, a year later, the thing still isn't finished). In fact, they would work until the sun would go down, and being as it was summer after the clocks changed, this meant about 8pm. You can imagine how thrilled we were to try to enjoy an al fresco dinner with the sounds of welding and crazy Israeli workman screaming at each other in the background. This wouldn't happen every day, but just often enough to drive us nuts. After a few times of this routine, DBF got fed up and started screaming at them over the fence. Now, this was before I could understand much Hebrew, so to my virgin ears the resulting exchange sounded like they were whipping out the "your mother" insults and threatening a Mossad-type assassination on one another. After a few minutes' screaming, DBF came storming into the house, and started making coffee.
Wait, what? You were just screaming at them, now you're having coffee with them?
Yeah, I told them I'd make them coffee if they'd stop now rather than later.
That's what you were screaming about?
Screaming? Who was screaming?
They spent the next 10 minutes chatting like they'd all known each other for years.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Lost in Transliteration
One would think names, brand names, and transliterated English words would stay the same from one language to another. I mean, we all pronounce 'Sarkozy' with a French accent, right? Right...?
Anyway, here is a short and incomplete list (sure to be expanded as time goes by) of funny Israeli pronunciations. This isn't just about putting the acCENT on the wrong syLLAble, but complete eff-ups of the words. First, I will list the English word, followed by the Israeli equivalent, and some hopefully witty comment about the latter.
Lauper (as in, Cindi): Laufer. This has an explanation, as the letter פ for P and F sounds is the same, and there are rules about when to use it as such, but c'mon! It's her name. Girls just wanna have pun? This country can handle פלפל = falafel without any p/f switches, which clearly explains their priorities.
Boeing: Boing. Talk about the mile high club.
Bowling: Bow-eling. There is a funny dipthong on this word that makes this game seem like it has drastic effects on your GI tract.
Lincoln (as in, Abraham): Lin-co-len. They spell his name with the Hebrew letter lamed (ל) in the middle, thus ensuring that every Israeli pronounces his name with a solid three syllables and ignoring every English grammar law that explain silent letters.
Anyway, here is a short and incomplete list (sure to be expanded as time goes by) of funny Israeli pronunciations. This isn't just about putting the acCENT on the wrong syLLAble, but complete eff-ups of the words. First, I will list the English word, followed by the Israeli equivalent, and some hopefully witty comment about the latter.
Lauper (as in, Cindi): Laufer. This has an explanation, as the letter פ for P and F sounds is the same, and there are rules about when to use it as such, but c'mon! It's her name. Girls just wanna have pun? This country can handle פלפל = falafel without any p/f switches, which clearly explains their priorities.
Boeing: Boing. Talk about the mile high club.
Bowling: Bow-eling. There is a funny dipthong on this word that makes this game seem like it has drastic effects on your GI tract.
Lincoln (as in, Abraham): Lin-co-len. They spell his name with the Hebrew letter lamed (ל) in the middle, thus ensuring that every Israeli pronounces his name with a solid three syllables and ignoring every English grammar law that explain silent letters.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Ech omrim "flatter your body" b'Ivrit?
Today was one of many-of-late abnormally lovely January Saturdays in Israel (how many qualifiers can I put in one sentence?) HaHaver and I started our morning with a run along the sea from Jaffo to the Tel Aviv harbor and back. We then had a great breakfast in Jaffo, and then headed to one of the many restaurant-bars along the sea just north of Jaffo for a beer in the sun before heading back to the J'lem mountains.
Guys, the people-watching in this country is amazing, especially in Tel Aviv and especially on the sea. There is such an amazing mix of locals and tourists, from all religions and classes and backgrounds. I remember being young and sitting in a mall or airport with my mom, and we would make up stories about the people walking by, so I know how to people-watch. Today, I had the most fun observing the fashion that paraded before me. It was a nice day, but it's still January, so people aren't exactly in beach attire. (For the most part). So it's that weird it's-nice-out-but-still-winter-so-I'll-just-wear-a-scarf-with-my-flipflops sort of a day.
I don't pretend to be incredibly fashion-forward, but I do have a fashion philosophy: clothes should make you look good. Why wear something if it makes you look terrible? Apparently, this philosophy has not made it to this country. Stacy and Clinton would have an absolute field day with the 30+ females here. Or maybe even they would throw their hands up in exasperation.
"I'm terribly sorry, but there's nothing we can do for you unless you
hand over the Bedazzler."
Guys, the people-watching in this country is amazing, especially in Tel Aviv and especially on the sea. There is such an amazing mix of locals and tourists, from all religions and classes and backgrounds. I remember being young and sitting in a mall or airport with my mom, and we would make up stories about the people walking by, so I know how to people-watch. Today, I had the most fun observing the fashion that paraded before me. It was a nice day, but it's still January, so people aren't exactly in beach attire. (For the most part). So it's that weird it's-nice-out-but-still-winter-so-I'll-just-wear-a-scarf-with-my-flipflops sort of a day.
I don't pretend to be incredibly fashion-forward, but I do have a fashion philosophy: clothes should make you look good. Why wear something if it makes you look terrible? Apparently, this philosophy has not made it to this country. Stacy and Clinton would have an absolute field day with the 30+ females here. Or maybe even they would throw their hands up in exasperation.
"I'm terribly sorry, but there's nothing we can do for you unless you
hand over the Bedazzler."
What do I mean? Well, most 18-25 year old are incredibly good-looking and trendy - right now it's kind of a blend of hipster and 80s. Leggings and Converse sneakers are everywhere. If you're under 25, gorgeous and thin, you could wear a potato sack and look good, but I also won't feel visually offended if you wear leggings as pants and a style of shoe I begged my parents for when I was 10. (Punky Brewster hot pink hi-tops, baby).
The problem is, these fashions are also seen on 40 year olds with more than a few extra pounds on them. NOT FLATTERING, I don't CARE how "in style" something is. It's like they saw something on a 50-kilo model, bought it in the same size, squeezed into it, and then went out of the house without one backward glance into a mirror. I know, I know, it happens everywhere, but here for some reason it is just so apparent - maybe because in general Israeli women truly are gorgeous and you find yourself pitying the woman who has such POTENTIAL to look SO amazing. Combine this with the obsession with sequins and nonsensical English t-shirts, and you have yourself a fashion crisis, my friends. I found myself wishing for a camera to document some of the atrocities I saw today, but I would have run out of memory on my zillion GB memory chip.
The problem is, these fashions are also seen on 40 year olds with more than a few extra pounds on them. NOT FLATTERING, I don't CARE how "in style" something is. It's like they saw something on a 50-kilo model, bought it in the same size, squeezed into it, and then went out of the house without one backward glance into a mirror. I know, I know, it happens everywhere, but here for some reason it is just so apparent - maybe because in general Israeli women truly are gorgeous and you find yourself pitying the woman who has such POTENTIAL to look SO amazing. Combine this with the obsession with sequins and nonsensical English t-shirts, and you have yourself a fashion crisis, my friends. I found myself wishing for a camera to document some of the atrocities I saw today, but I would have run out of memory on my zillion GB memory chip.
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